When You Realize the Cross is All That Really Matters

Easter is almost here.  It hasn't been until the last 6 or 7 years that I have started to celebrate the holy week that precedes it.  Remembering what happened on those days leading to Jesus's death is part of truly preparing our hearts for Good Friday and Easter Sunday.  Having little kids means that my celebration of holy week involves lots of age appropriate crafts that I hope make things more real for my children.  This year did not pan out the way I had planned.  I'll just be honest and say that I was in a horrible mood for the first half of the week.  I could not seem to shake a case of the crankies.  And I really tried.  Really.  In the midst of yelling at the kids and feeling like I was spinning out of control, I would think to myself, "something is wrong here.  This should be a week of reflection and excitement should be building for what's coming- Easter."  But I could not force myself to do any of the things that I normally enjoy doing.  I felt like a failure all week.  I failed as a parent, as a wife, as a person.  My tendency is to beat myself up and dwell in my failure but God showed me something in the midst of all the failure.  "This is why I came," Jesus whispered to me.  He died for the sin that has been heavy on my heart all week.  It's gone!  I don't have to dwell there!  I ask for forgiveness from my Lord and IT IS FORGIVEN!  And I ask for forgiveness from my family and they forgive as well. And grace abounds in this house.  And I fall on my knees in awe and worship of my God and this love that does not make sense. The truth of "while we were yet sinners,"  and "when we were dead in our transgressions," pierces my heart. I am loved because He is God and God is love and so the cross. It had to be. That's it.  That's all.  On this Good Friday, there is reflection.  Reflection on the cross on a hill over 2000 years ago and the torture and killing of deity that took place on that day.  We bow low and tears are shed for what Christ endured for us. And there is reflection on the reasons why- because of God's insane, crazy, make-no-sense, wonderful, makes-you-want-to-dance kind of love.  And we know that Friday is not the end so we prepare our hearts to celebrate because Sunday is coming!!!!

Snow

So thankful for the snow.  Why is it so difficult for me to wipe my slate clean for the day of the "to-dos?"  The snow started falling earlier this morning and I was mesmerized by it's beauty while the kids were excited to just play in it.  But wait, we have too much "to do" this morning.  And  just like that I almost missed the blessing.  The gift. Of my kids rosy cheeks, and silly giggles, and imagination in what snow creatures could be created, and cold tiny hands that welcomed warm mugs of hot chocolate.  How could something so simple as white dots falling from the sky be the cause of so much joy?  Because the One who created them created us, created joy.  IS joy.  And deeper still than even our enjoyment in watching it fall softly to the ground and delighting as it falls on us, is the reminder it brings.  God whispers, "This is how I see you.  Red blood was shed on a hill on a cross so that you could be washed white as snow.  Made clean."  And I am brought to a place of worship once again.

Motherhood-what they don't tell you

No one could have prepared me. No words spoken could have gotten me ready for this crazy thing they call motherhood. It is exhausting and glorious. It is draining and refreshing. It is sanctifying to the point where you feel done and that it sanctifys more. Doesn't make sense. There are moments I look at my childrens' faces and I'm moved to tears by their beauty and loveliness. And I think, "God has entrusted these amazing people to me? To me?" I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Then there are moments when I want to run away. I want to run from the piles of laundry, from the dishes stacked up on the counter, from the countless toys littering the floor, from the toothpaste that spots the bathroom sink. But God whispers to me, "This is it. Even in this, I AM." And I think I am learning to turn the moments of despair, of overwhlemedness, into moments of praise and worship and quiet and stillness with the One who created me. And isn't that what life is about?